I remember fondly the moment I realized my dad was a guy instead of a perfect super human parent dad, but rather than share that moment, I’d like to talk about the fact that there is nothing that shows the inner strength of a person quicker and more succinct than losing their spouse and soul mate. Hero’s let you down but if you’re patient enough they’ll probably reaffirm your initial belief in their abilities. My father did that this last week when I would’ve least suspected it, and he continues to with each passing day.
This whole journey has been profound and surreal and I thank God for it.
I also realized (while yelling at myself in my mind while looking at the mirror) that I don’t need to:
GET LIFE ALL PERFECTLY PUT TOGETHER AND ENSURE THAT I REALIZE ALL MY MAJOR DREAMS FROM CHILDHOOD THROUGH EARLY ADULTHOOD BY THE TIME THAT I’M THIRTY AND THAT INSTEAD MAYBE - JUST MAYBE - I CAN SPEND SOME TIME WITH MY AWESOME FAMILY AND AMAZING FRIENDS AND ENJOY LIFE AND NOT THINK ABOUT MONEY, OR WEALTH, OR ESPECIALLY NOT FAME OR ACCOLADES.
Have I mentioned recently I’m glad I left LA for a while to drive across the US and visit friends and family?
I am.
I’m also glad I left when I did and was able to spend some quality time back home in FL. Hindsight is 20-20 and in this scenario the blind squirrel got a nut. Spending time at home before she passed was much needed and helps to this day with the closure and peace that I have with her death.
So where am I going from here?
I. Don’t. Know.
I’m going to continue to write and stay motivated by ideas and people and amazing stories and lovers and friends and family and fighters, and everything else that makes me look twice and question things and ask myself if this life I’m living is worthy of what she would’ve wanted for me.
Enjoying my life in meantime is just gravy.
