I have this awful fantastic habit of being a second class friend.
This is nothing new, I’ve had this ‘gift’ my entire life.
I can be great friends with people, but not to a degree where the level of friendship actually compels them to do something they wouldn’t normally do for say 90+% of their existing friends and contacts. Let me put this in a different context.
When I travelled 20+ days a month for business. I’d always be excited to get a business class or emergency row upgrade. I was so thankful for the little things, legroom, complimentary beverages, and always scoffing at the veteran road warriors that sat in first class and paid attention to nothing but their book or pillow. I was always thankful for my opportunities but felt they could really care less at the space and luxuries their space afforded them.
I get it now, it wasn’t that they didn’t care, it was that they knew it didn’t matter. They got what they could - when they could - and that was it.
For all I knew they could’ve spent years trying make the travel experience for everyone else better, helping move luggage, saying hi to passer bys, helping parents with a stroller in the overhead bin, etc. Odds are at some point they either felt they weren’t obliged to be kind, or they realized, that no matter how nice they were, people were probably not going to extend them the same courtesy, and they gave up. (read: don’t give up!)
I feel these types of experiences feed into a warped attitude people have that goes: “others exist to invest in me, not the other way around.”
I believe the exact opposite.
There are a myriad of reasons this “me” mindset prevails, Darwinism in the workplace, self help guru’s penning books that bred self involvement and narcissistic worship that would make movie stars blush, and videos of motivational speakers that focus on doing whatever it takes to make the sale create a culture of ME not WE.
In every single person I meet, I see an opportunity to help and invest, if that instantly makes me a second class friend - then sobeit.
I don’t always offer, and I definitely don’t believe in giving advice or help carte’ blanche - but I do create a context that’s mutually beneficial, with only the hope, that others will one day do the same, maybe not to me, but at least to others, and at the very least, not abuse the courtesy I extend.
I know people aren’t perfect, and please, I hope no one thinks I give - with only the hope of getting something in return - because I don’t. What I can’t condone is the feeling of being taken advantage of, always being the guy that gets the call because “well Will can drive us all weekend, he doesn’t mind.”
Don’t mistake a good heart, and servants attitude for naivette, for the only fool in that equation will be yourself. My “end game”, “zero sum”, “exit strategy”, “karmic footprint” or whatever your life guru might say my “life goals” reflect, is safe with the hope that at the end of my life I can look back and say: everytime I saw an opportunity to help someone that needed help, and I could, I did.”
Its that simple, isn’t it?
